I was at work yesterday having a conversation with my co-workers about dating someone who has a child. Consensus was that those kind of relationships are difficult.I believe everyone has criteria their significant other have to meet before they begin dating them. One of those criteria for me is not having children. I will not date someone who has children for several reasons. There are very few relationships that end, where children are involved, in which adults remain civil to one another. Usually, some animosity remains about things not working out, especially on the woman's' side, which results in you getting the cold shoulder for being the new woman. Not that its' important for me to be best friends with your ex but if her child is going to become part of my life, I think its' only right that we can have a decent conversation.
Secondly, in the small majority of cases where the father is active in his children's' life, there are ex's who take advantage of this. They monopolize his time by using the children as the bait. Everyone day there is some excuse to have him with the children and with her. I'm not saying that a man shouldn't be part of his children's' life but when its' evident that she is using this time as quality time for herself as well, you're left with the short end of the stick.
Thirdly, I am a staunch believer in discipline. The Bible says "spare the rod,spoil the child" and I certainly feel the same...lol. I believe that there is certain lines that you cannot cross when a child is not yours and especially when you and "baby mama" don't get along. You might as well go to jail, go directly to jail and do not collect 200 dollars. One of my co-workers said well you sit down and have a conversation with your significant other about discipline and that way everyone is on the same page. My problem is not with the significant more so than it is with his ex. When that child comes home and says to his mother, "Sheila tapped my bum for running across the street," mommy is not going to like to hear it.
So, though there may be some fantastic men roaming this earth who I reject because they have children...its' okay...lol.
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7 comments:
I rejected alot of men cause they have children & I know what BABYMAMA drama is cause imma babymama myself. Alot of men have rejected me cause I have a child so they wasnt with babydaddy drama. Shit I dont blame them tho. Me as being a babymama I dont cause the drama anymore that was in the past when I wanted to be wit the niggah lol so why not cause problems with his girlfriend but I realized as my son go older I didnt really need him cause he was just being a deadbeat anyways was buying shit & still aint buying shit. Thats another reason I cause drama with his girlfriend yup cause he use to spend his money on her. Which wasnt fair to our son. So yeah I dont blame u girl for not wanting to date men with children.
You see Toya, you're the reason I stay away from those dudes...lol. But seriously, its' alot of responsibilty and I'm just not willing to take it.
I feel u on that tho..100%...u got aim?
Nope. Don't do it. To complicated, there is always gonna be a tie to the previous person since they are the parent of the child who will always be in the middle of controversy. It is a difficult decision to make but no matter how nice, good looking or great someone seems, there is a problem with that situation.
I hear you anonymous, that's why I don't do it.there is no way to break the connection in that relationship and I really wouldn't want to.
I must say that I totally disagree with ALL of you! You can be with someone who has a child from a previous relationship as long as your partner is willing to "really" make you a part of their lives. A lot of the time males for example won't set guidlines with their baby mamas because the new chick isn't that important yet. By you judging someone based on the fact the they have children your limiting yourself from who you can be with. Doing that is another form of discrimination. You never know what circumstances led to that person having a child so you can't judge what the relationship between the parents are before you get to know them.
My thing is this, with men you have so much to deal with already and to add something else to the equation is like adding flame to the fire!
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