October 9, 2008

Why Are You Stealing My Energy?

Ever been in an argument with someone and felt yourself being physically drained? I read a book called "The Celestine Prophecy" and one of its' chapters is dedicated to interpersonal relationships. The focus of the chapter is to understand how people make themselves feel better by stealing other peoples' energy. So this is the guy who calls you "stupid" when you're arguing or the girl who tells you "you're broke anyway so why am I even talking to you." These people aim to reduce your self-esteem in order to boost theirs. It happens all the time in everyday interactions. When someone doesn't agree with another viewpoint they belittle them.

The key to understanding this type of relationship and dealing with this person is to react to them in an unconventional manner. When you don't feed into someones' anger, which is what they are displaying, they acknowledge that they are out of context and reign themselves in. For instance, someone is yelling and screaming at you and in a calm tone you reply "why are you yelling," they immediately check themselves. Their tone gets lower and they ask you what you're talking about. You're basically being their mirror and showing them how ugly they are at that moment. On the other hand, if you react to them in the same manner, what you end up with is a power struggle, which no one wins.

If you think of all relationships as a flow of energy between two people, then what you give should be equal to what you take, otherwise someone is lacking.

1 comment:

Aslyne said...

Wow. I have to read this book. But this is exactly what one of my friends is going through right now in her relationship. Its ashame how some people just dont see things that way.