Top 5 Reasons He Runs For The Hills

5. You don't cook or clean. A way to a man's heart is through his stomach. A man wants a woman he knows can fix him something to eat and keep the house in order.

4. You latch on like a leach and refuse to let go. Every man needs his space and the opportunity to miss you. If you're there all the time that doesn't happen.

3. You constantly nag him about everything and anything.

2. You don't let him hang with his friends.

And the number one reason...drumroll please...

1. You don't keep him satisfied, sexually of course.

A Metaphorical Moment

I went bowling last night and made a stunning realization. As I was throwing my ball down the alley I started to pay more and more attention to my posture and my form. The more that I "followed through" when I threw my ball the more pins I struck. I didn't just throw the ball aimlessly hoping to hit something after a while, I began to focus on my target (the pins) and made an effort to aim and also to follow through.

Have you ever seen someone's posture after they have thrown a bowling ball as if in some way them remaining in that position guides the ball... Then I began to think about life. We have goals...the pins, which we aim for, and if you focus (keep our posture) and are determined (follow through) there is nothing which we cannot achieve. Even when the obstacles (gutter balls) get in our way, we grab that ball and throw again, the second time more determined to hit those pins. We may fall short (get a spare) and sometimes we may hit it big (strike) but it's all about playing the game.

So when you want something and it begins with wanting something because there is always something you should be aiming for, we must be focused on our path to get it, work hard to achieve it and let nothing come between you and your goal. So not only did I enjoy my friends, I got so much more out of bowling, I got a lesson on life.

Do You Remember When....

When Atari was the hottest video game...

When tops kept boys entertained for hours and girls played double dutch for days...

When the time for you to go inside was regulated by the street lamp...

When bee bee guns were in before real guns...

When supersoakers was the summertime game...

When you played dodge ball or tag....

When you made up dances to songs just for the fun of it...

When everybody had a "tag" name...

When "Fear Street" was the top selling book...

When life was simple, we didn't have to pay bills, go to school because it depended on your career or even care about falling in love because you never felt the sting of its hurt. Life was all about having fun and laughing until you cried. You thought you would have your friends forever and people wouldn't die. You never knew the importance of the President or had any idea what a recession felt like. You cared less about tomorrow and more about today. Those were the days...

Adele- "Chasing Pavements"

I love this song...don't know how late I am but heard it on SNL. Thought I'd share.

Will Smith - No Longer Fresh Prince of Bel Air

Well, well, well, it seems Will Smith has really moved up the totem pole. First of all his attire is flawless, he is the new "Poster Child" for men's wear. This is how you do it fellas take note. Not only is his style on point, he has made a name for himself in Film and Music. His acting skills are ranked with the best of the best, I do believe him and Denzel should do a collaboration, it's only fair to us. He has also been personally selected by President Barack Obama to play him if a movie were, and I'm sure will, be made of him. Kudos to Will Smith for making it from the streets of Philly, to the homes of millions in America! (btw- if you look at his shoes closely, you'll notice they match his sweater...OMG!..lol)

Kanye West

Does anyone else think that Kanye West is on a verge of a break down like I do?808's and Heartbreaks is a great album but it is dark and filled of yearning for something lost. I think he hasn't dealt with his mother's death fully and is internalizing all his hurt. As pictured above, Kanye was once a dapper dude. He made fashion statements, now he's making fashion faux pas. I am not liking the new hair or wardrobe. I think Mr. Kanye needs to invest some money in therapy sessions before he ruins his fabulous career.

Exercising Secrets- 8 min Abs

So, I'm sharing a great exercise program that was introduced to me by my cousin, Miss Future Doctor of America (shameless plug). She told me about a great exercise program for your stomach called 8 minute Abs. If you go onto youtube, which is the greatest site that was ever invented, because you don't have to buy the video, you can just watch it directly from there. I usually start doing ab exercises and after a week I quit because it takes too much time, or I'm not seeing the results I would like to see but this program is great. Only eight minutes out of my day and I'm seeing great results. My wash board should be here shortly...lol So if this is one of your problem areas, run to youtube and check it out. 8 minute abs, and click the second video from the top. Enjoy!!!

P.S.. If you do it as incorrectly as I did it the first time your neck and lower back will be killing you, try again you're doing it all wrong!

Blast From the Past

I was in a high school at the time hanging out with my "home girls" after school. We would usually walk home if the bus took to long to come, which always became an eventful walk. This particular day was just too eventful for me. I was just minding my business when this man who had to be like 6'2, maybe taller, picked me up with one hand by my neck and had me dangling off the floor. He was screaming words I can't remember.I guess I must have reminded him of someone. My friends who were with me started hitting him with their book bags or just anything. He eventually let me go. He was "crazy", a real schizophrenic. I was so shaken, we ended up going back to school and the principal had to have the police called. It was a frightening experience, and now I work with them everyday...lol.

Gabrielle Unions' Other Half?

I've been told that I "act" like Gabrielle Union when she's acting. I would have much preferrred that I looked like her but that's neither here nor there. Supposedly, I'm very "tart" and skeptical of the male species. I don't think that's the case, I think I'm just realistic. If a man tells me they have a 4 month old baby and he's going to spend christmas with his baby than I must assume that he is also going to spend christmas with the baby's mother. That's just logical. I'm no fool.

I think my problem is I don't beat around the bush, sometimes I can be too forward and it can be intimidating for some who are not use to that kind of approach. I tell it like it is, no sugar coating. Those who know me well know the softer side of me, the less abrasive me. So I'll take the Gabrielle Union compliment.

Shake it to the Ground

Ummm... I was wiating for them to shake it to the ground but they shook the ground and never went down. Props to the big girls though for doing their thing especially homegirl in the middle. She looked like she might have a heart attack at any moment..lol

The Last Child's Guilt

As I get closer to starting my new career, I have begun to think about the next step in my life. Moving out of my mothers' house. Traditionally in my culture a young woman wouldn't leave her mothers' house until she was getting married but I think that's one rule I may not follow. The problem is I'm starting to feel these bouts of guilt.

Being the "baby", I almost feel like I would be wrong to leave my mom all alone. As if I'm her whole world or something...lol. The past 10 years has really been just my mom and I and to leave her I feel would be hard not only for her but for me as well. Its' not like I would be moving to the ends' of the world but she relies on me to do certain things. I mean we fight, oh gosh do we fight, our birthdays are 11 days apart so I am my mothers' child. I just couldn't imagine not having her bother me about why I take out my whole closet to select my outfit for the day.

I know that is it a part of moving on but I just get more and more anxious as the time approaches. Along side empty nest syndrome, psychologist should look into last child's guilt.

"Close But Yet So Far..."

There are times when we struggle to make it to certain destinations in life. We fight a hard fight and still lose the battle. These are the moments when we must evaluate all the obstacles that we have faced, figure out how we could have dealt with them differently or realize that things happened as they should. We may be upset that we've come so far but just couldn't make it the rest of they way but I say that God has a plan for us always. Though you may want something right now, he may have something lined up for you that's' even bigger later.

It hurts when things don't work out as they should, of course but its in hindsight that we often see the good in what we think is bad. The only thing you can do is recover and allow him to work in your life and get you on the path that you're suppose to be on. Its' discouraging, you feel like you fought so hard for nothing, you may even get depressed but this too shall pass. God works in our favor all the time.

So instead of looking at it as being close but yet so far, think about your life as a continuing progression, rebirth and revision. Everything makes you better for the next thing and there is always more evolving to do.

Celebrity Of the Week- Lance Gross

Lance Gross is a NAACP Image Award-winning American actor currently portraying Calvin Payne in the TBS sitcom Tyler Perry's House of Payne, and other Tyler Perry productions such as the Meet The Browns film. He has also been on The Bernie Mac Show as well as Eve. Lance turned down the chance to become a professional track and field athlete in order to pursue his dream of acting. He received a Bachelor of Arts in theater from Howard University and then trained at The Ivanna Chubbuck Studio as well as the Tasha Smith Acting Studio and he is a fine Black Man!!!

President Bush- The First Pres to Have Shoes Thrown at Him!

Well I'll be damned, never mind the fact that I can't stand him but damn, you get shoes thrown at you as the President of The United States. That just goes to show you the amount of respect that our President is leaving office with. I must admit though he has some pretty good reflexes. He dodged those shoes like it was nobody's business and did you see the force with which that reporter threw the shoe...lol. That was like a mother trying to hit a running child from across the room after they did something they knew they weren't suppose to do...lol. Sad...so so sad. Goodbye and Good riddance mister President. One last point, had that been President Obama, he would have caught that shoe and threw it back...lol

WTF!- Michael Jackson

Oh My Gosh...What is wrong with this man? From the Jackson 5 to this... I don't know how much we can blame on his childhood.

Brandy- Human

Its' official, I'm putting my seal of approval on it, Brandy's album is off the chain. Brandy has a voice that flows over tracks effortlessly and the songs are fantastic. If you're one who is afraid of falling in love listen to the track "fall". "Don't be afraid cause I'm on my way, it will be okay, there's no other way...just fall." On the track "Piano Man" she talks about all the songs we've heard before in our own lives. The heartbreaks and love lost... "We can have the whole world singing tonight." The beats are immaculate. The harmonies are on point. I have got to give it to her Miss Brandy has done it again, after Afrodisiac, I waited patiently and the album does not disappoint.

Guys FYI: A Michelle Obama "Chick"

Hey mister men, have you ever thought about the kind of woman you want holding you down when the chips are down? How about a Michelle Obama Chick... someone who can roll with the best of them. She's educated , classy, and is the "rock" of your family. Ever heard the saying, "Behind every great man, there is a great woman." Its' because its true. Your woman, is the one to kick you when you need motivation, love you back to health when you're sick, take care of your children when you want to jump off a bridge and support you in your toughest decisions. At the end of the day, you have got to know that if you can't pull your weight you've got a woman who is not only willing but able.

Ladies: Show Me Your Friends and I'll Show You Who You Are

I must start off by saying that I have a small circle of female friends for one precise reason, women are trifling creatures at times. It is rare that you find someone who is comfortable enough with themselves to appreciate someone else as an individual. If you've ever had a hateful "friend", you know what I'm talking about. They are constantly putting you down and revel in your failures. They insist that you stay with that guy who treats you like crap because it keeps you as miserable as they are internally.

For these reasons I am selective with my female friends. Good girlfriends are ready to get the guns for that guy, they laugh with you in the good times, are the last to leave when the party is done because their helping you clean up and your accomplishments are theirs as well. You know its genuine because no distance or any amount of time can change the relationship that you have. My best girlfriends know exactly what buttons to push to piss me off and we can argue and fight and curse and still laugh at the end of the day. They know my insecurities and play on my strengths.

You've got to know how to weed out the good from the bad. Watch out for the sneaky, conniving ones who put on a facade. Watch how they treat the close ones in their lives, are they speaking bad about their best friends to you? Do they lie? Do they crave any attention, no matter where its' coming from?(they may crave your boyfriends as well) Be picky when it comes to choosing friends, they are the most important people in your life besides your family and your mate.

Texting Etiquette

I wonder with the use of texting as the new form of communication if there are certain rules of texting etiquette that should be followed. After careful deliberation I have come up with my own texting etiquette rules and regulations.

1: Begin every text with a formal greeting, ex. Good mrn, aftn, evenin (don't mind my grammar that's text talk)

2: Please do not write complete sentences,use the least amount of words as possible, if someone does not have unlimited texting you should try to get everything into one text.

3: Insert emotion where applicable, ex. :o) (happy) :o( (sad) ;O) (meet me in the back staircase)

4: Please do not forward messages with the previous forwards included ex. fwd:fwd:fwd:. Delete them before sending as it applies to rule number 2.

5: In addition to rule four, try to remember the forwards that you previously sent, jokes get stale when sent too many times.

6: When a text conversation has ended on your part do let the other party know, so that they are not waiting for a response for the rest of the day. Saying l8tr, or ttyl is suffice.

LOL...hope you find my rules helpful!

Brandy- 1st and Love- Human

I love Brandy, always have and she's coming back hard!!!

Flashback!!!

There are people you meet in your life that you would hope to never meet again. In my situation, I met the clone. The exact replica of that which I was trying to get away from..lol. The funny thing is that I see myself reacting to this person in the same manner that I acted with the previous individual. Not good at all. Some people can bring out the worst in you and it is an awful site. I'm getting the same emotions all over again.

Now the present individual of course has no idea about the one in the past so they are wondering why I am so nasty to them...lol. I guess you don't realize how much someone has affected you until you get a second dose of them. But I'm learning to control those emotions and realizing that I'm dealing with a totally different person and I have to treat them in such a way, even though I want to shoot arrows at them every time they talk.

Songs to Add to Your Playlist

Beyonce- "Hello"

Brandy- "Piano Man"

T-Pain- "I Can't Believe It" Remix featuring Akon and Kardinal Official

Will I Am- Its' A New Day

Keisha Cole- "I Love You" featuring Little Wayne

Ryan Leslie- "How Its' Supposed to Be"

Chris Brown- "Save Me"

The Dream- Rockin that S**t"

Ladies FYI- My Version of "He's Just Not That Into You"

He's just not that into you:

When you have to wonder if he's into you. Contrary to most beliefs when a guy is interested in a female he will show her that he is. You'll be falling over him because he is in your space all the time.

He's just not that into you:

When he speaks of his future and you're nowhere in the equation. If he's interested you're always part of the plans.

He's just not that into you:

If he tells you he's too busy to call and you haven't heard from him in a couple of days. No one is that busy unless you're the president of the United States. Five minutes is all it takes to say hello, how are you and goodbye.

He's just not that not that into you:

When know one knows who you are, if he's not talking about you, he's not interested in you.

He's just not that into you:

If he's still talking to you about his ex. Obviously he isn't over her and can't get into anything with you. One door has to be closed before another can open.

Who Do You Choose?

Some people get confused when they're in relationships and they have to choose between their significant other and their friends and guess what their shouldn't be a choice. Neither your friends or your significant other should ever ask you to choose between them because it is unfair.

Some relationships have a tug of war going on, when one person wants you to spend more time with them then the other but if your relationships are balanced their is no need for such conflicts. If that means hanging out with your girlfriends and your boyfriend, hey why not? Isn't it great to have all the people you love with you! I mean not in all circumstances is this feasible, everyone needs their own quality time but when it is possible, enjoy those moments.

That's' why one of the most important things when it comes to relationships is that your significant other and your friends get along. Usually your friends can give you a good reading on how great or bad a guy/girl she may be and even though at times we don't want to listen they are usually right. They can see the situation for what it is while you're looking at it through rose-colored glasses.

Some things you can do to keep everyone happy is have girl/guy's night out at least twice a month. With hectic lives its hard to see your friends all the time but its important to keep your friendships alive. As far as your significant other, date night is a must at least once a week, movies, dinner or even a dinner at home keeps the relationships fresh. Lastly, game night is always a hit, invite everyone over for games, food and drinks and enjoy all your loved ones.

Celebrity of the Week - O.J Simpson

15 years... you would think, you dodge the law a first time you would stay out of dodge huh? Not Mr. Simpson, he decides to go play thug life and gets himself locked up. Funny that its was thirteen years to the day that he was found not guilty of his wife's murder. I mean he did look long and hard for the killer of his wife...sike! Well best of luck to O.J, hope he comes out a better man, or probably just an older man, heck if he comes out at all.

Hot Topic

Can you be friends with someone and still have phone sex?...lol. Not my question, a friend asked me. I think there is an awfully thin line between talking and doing when it comes to sex. Usually when you're talking about it you're interested in that person in some way or else you wouldn't even broach the topic. What do you guys think...Is it safe or will you cross the line?

Top 10 Reasons Men Get Into Relationship Hell

10. You tried to turn a whore into a housewife...it just doesn't work.

9. You were more attracted to her beauty than her brain.

8. You left your last girlfriend for her and now you wonder why she's jealous.

7. There is no communication and if you do tell her something she explodes.

6. You make her the last priority in your life...you just don't appreciate her.

5. You're not romantic, you treat her like your sister.

4. You don't spend enough time with her.

3. You cheated.

2. You are physically or emotionally abusive to her.

And the number reason men get into relationship hell...

1. You build up and wall and never let her in and she's constantly fighting with you to break it down.

Eva Pigford and Lance Gross

I think this is the most beautiful couple I have seen thus far and that's not because I love chocolate men...they just look great together. I actually didn't think he was handsome, watching him on Tyler Perry's "House Of Payne", but I guess the dorky character he portrays throws off his good looks. If she dumps him, she could definitely pass him over here!

Top 5 Reasons Woman Act Jealous

5. You blatantly stare at the waitresses back side as she walks off.

4. The only female friends you have are ex's and she's never met any of them.

3. Your phone battery dies every night from 11pm to 6am in the morning.

2. Your best friend, who is a guy spends more time with you than your girlfriend does.

And the number one reason woman act jealous....

You've cheated on her before and she just doesn't trust you!!!

Press Rewind...

If you had a remote that controlled your life, what things would you change, if anything at all. Some people I wish I could have fast forwarded and had in my life now, when I'm older and would have appreciated them more. There are moments that I wish I could take back like those times when I say the first thing that comes to my mouth without actually thinking about it. How I hate those moments, those I beat myself up about over and over again.

I wish sometimes I could pause moments in my life. Those moments you wish would last forever. When life seems too perfect and you know there is no choice but for it to end. If I only I could make them last longer. I guess with the advance of age you start realizing when you're in those moments, instead of hindsight vision. You appreciate them while they're occurring. I still take some things for granted at times but I'm learning to live for now.

That's the most important thing about enjoying life, is living in the here and now so you don't have to press rewind. When you live each day fully and with the understanding that those moments are lost the second they have past, you get the most out of everything you do. A second wasted on anger, or self pity cannot be replaced instead love yourself unconditionally, love those you love unconditionally, laugh out loud, smile through the hurt, appreciate that friend who makes everything better. Appreciate the sunset and sunrise, the rain, the flowers, the smell of air (no matter how bad it is, you're breathing) Take nothing for granted.

Don't Burst My Bubble...

Some people will do all that they can to pull you down into their miserable ruts. Dumping their insecurities and lack of self-esteem issues on you. They will employ the guilt trip and place blame where it isn't warranted. I'm too old for that BS. I have a degree in psychology, that stuff doesn't work on me. I had to really sit back and think about how childish and idiotic this person was to think that it was even going to work.

Certain people will never take responsibilities for their own mistakes. Choosing instead to say that you made them do what they did, or even worst that you are the one at fault. The call I received this morning was just that. Someone taking out their anger with themselves about the stupid mistakes that they have made on me. Certain things I will take for the team, but definitely not in this situation. I know who I am and no one can tell me any different.

I advise anyone who has someone like this in their life to not allow them to bring you down with them. They will insist on being a thorn in your ass and they will do it because when your life is going as it should and theirs is not they will do everything in their power to burst your bubble. Make your bubble bulletproof!

Burn it Up?

There was a timeless scene in waiting to exhale, where Angela Bassett takes her husbands clothes outside puts them into his Mercedes Benz and sets that sucker on fire. Ohhh how the women cheered in the audience. After 11 years of sacrifice (Mary J. Blige "I'm not gonna cry...soundtrack for the movie) he decided he was going to leave her for his other woman. 90% of us woman and 50% of men have all been done this road before, but my question is should we start setting things on fire?

The rage and emotion of finding out you're not the only one and on top of that you're no longer the "one" can be detrimental, but is it an excuse to be destructive? I think not. I believe, like I have said before in Karma, eventually the bed that you make, you must lie in. The busting out the windows and cutting up the clothes takes up to much energy and is really childish. You actually allow that person to hurt you more by dwelling on whats' been done. The energy spent crying and yelling and breaking things can be spent picking up the pieces and moving on.

It is a hard task to accomplish but the quicker we get to it the faster more positive things and people start rolling into your life. You cannot allow anyone to bring the worst out of you, when you look back its' like looking at a monster. You don't know who you were and you hate yourself for the way you acted. The best way to handle the situation is to move on, keep that smile on your face and thank them for not wasting anymore of your time. The best part about it, they'll be thinking you have something up your sleeves and be waiting for payback and usually that thinking will get them just that...lol

Beyonce...a little taste of the album, I Am...Sasha Fierce

From Sasha Fierce..."Video Phone" a club banger



This song is called "Hello", interesting take on how you first meet someone and they've got you from that moment.

Cosmic Pull

Ever been with someone and feel like every attempt made to escape their grasp becomes a lost effort. No matter how unhealthy emotionally, you find yourself being sucked back into their black hole. It's a scary feeling, almost like you have no control over your own emotions and environment. I wonder what gives this person all this power?

Usually these kind of relationships are bad with a capital "B." The fact that you're trying to get away gives you that hint, but there is something about them, the words that they say, a kiss, a gentle touch, that erases all the bad...but only temporary. They are like a snickers when you're craving chocolate, a quick fix. They feel right, right now and then the memories start flooding in.

Some people like this kind of relationship, the more they push you away the more you fight for their love, in other situations you keep going back expecting that the person has changed, similar to doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results (definition of insanity). Other times you have no idea what it is that keeps pulling you back, almost like they have a voodoo spell on you.

To experience this is to understand the control that this person has over you. When you finally do break away, it feels as if the world has been lifted off your shoulders. You wonder to yourself what you were thinking. Its' never okay to let someone have this muh control but yet you allowed them too. I'm never one to say not to put your whole heart into a relationship but I would say that the person you are giving it to, should be deserving.

Guys FYI

Hey guys, looking for some great gifts for your honey for the holidays? Well check out some of these gifts that she may just love...

1) Personally, I love the Casio Baby G watches. Their affordable, sleek and durable. They also come in lots of different colors and styles to suit your babes personal style.

2) Does she love perfume, well than get her a bottle of "Flowerbomb" by Viktor and Rolf. A wonderful fragrance that will have her smelling good and you....well you know..lol

3) If your ladies wallet looks a hot mess, how about a Coach wallet. Don't fret about the price, when you go to purchase ask for the presale price, with the holidays coming up you'll save a pretty penny and she'll be "loving you long time."

4) Not concerned about the price tag, well than a diamond is a woman's best friend. A pair of diamond studs gives her some ice without the snow.

5) And last but not least, what every woman wants for the holidays...you. Give her a little more of your time. Catch a Broadway Christmas show and get a bite to eat, and make sure you seal it with a kiss :)

Enjoy!!!

Siblings

If you have siblings you understand the pros and cons of having someone share your space and your clothes. As I was growing up, my older sisters were like mothers' to me. Always correcting what I did, making me read books I didn't want to read and look for things I didn't lose. I despised my sisters growing up..lol. Oh and my brother, like two peas in a pod. I wanted to be him when I was growing up, wearing his clothes, which were way too big for me and admiring the way he made friends so effortlessly. He was my Idol, until every time he got in trouble, I got in trouble along with him, then I despised him too...lol

On my father's side, where I was the oldest, I can remember braiding my little sister's hair. I would love to try these new designs and she would actually let me. She sat quietly as I braided and never gave me a hard time. My little brothers paid me no attention and they still don't but I love them anyway.

What's most important is that the value of my siblings has changed. They are my support system and I theirs'. There's nothing more valuable than your brothers and sisters. The first to come running and the last to leave. They love you through the good moments and through the bad. They share your dreams and they motivate you when you're down and out. I use to say when I had children that I only wanted one but I can't imagine life without someone else to share it with and in my case, I have many.

Appreciate the siblings that you have, they all have their faults but when the chips are down they are irreplaceable.

If Its' Too Much...

Just a little poem or something like that...lol. Enjoy


If its too much to love me in the morning
than love me at night
when the stars are bright
and only you and I
lie beneath a clear sky
sharing thoughts and dreams
our every things...

If its' too much to love me in the light
than love me in the dark
where our love ignites sparks
and we share heart to hearts
Cause God only knows
how this love will unfold
Is it to have and is it to hold?

If its too much to love me
because your mind says no
than love me because your heart says so
love me because when all is said and done
love is a battle that never gets won
when its' too much to love me
I'll love you more
and eventually love
will settle the score.

Blast From The Past

When I first started college, I met this guy who was a DJ. He was sweet, cute and most of all charming. He knew exactly what to say and how to say it. Well one day he invited me over to his house. He lived alone in a brownstone which caught me a little off guard because he was young but hey I thought the DJ'ing industry must have been nice to him. As I entered the hallway to his home upon visual inspection, I discovered that I was being watched. There were cameras in his hallway. Being the dumb naive girl that I was, I paid no attention and continue on into the apartment. He had no T.V in his living room so we went to his bedroom. This guy lifts up his pillow, takes out his gun, unclips it (if that's how you say it) and places it into his closet. Needless to say that was the last time I spoke to him.

Prince Charming

Recently I have met some guys who have been interested in pursuing a relationship. They are willing to give me what I "need", so they say. Some have been discreet in their attempts and others have been straight forward about where they would like our friendship to go. Unfortunately, picking a mate is not so easy for me. There are certain qualities that I look for in my significant other and there are expectations which I will not overlook. I won't overlook them because I've been down that road before and my expectations are not unrealistic. My partner not meeting those expectations is what got my heart broken.

What are my expectations you may be wondering, well first and foremost a man who is faithful. When I say faithful, I don't mean fidelity, I mean believes in a higher power. The belief in a power outside ourselves that we must answer to guides us in many of our decisions. A man who has a belief in God is submissive to moral law. He may fall short at times but he is repentant.

Secondly, an honest man is important. Some of you may be cracking up right now but there are honest men out there. The problem with the honesty that woman get, is that they don't want to hear it. I don't want to be with someone who tells me what I want to hear, I want to be with someone who tells me what I need to hear.

Lastly, I need someone who is handsome, humorous, respectful and respected(there is a difference), motivated, diligent, affectionate....lol. I'm not asking for much...you think?

Beyonce and her Double...lol

Lol...Oh My! I tried to do this choreography and I sucked and here this man goes and nails it. I swear!

Can You Be Friends With Your Ex?

There are ex's you can be friends with and their are ex's you don't want to touch with a 10 foot pole. Personally, I feel after having indulged all your personal information to this person and sharing some of your most intimate moments with them its' pratical that you remain friends. They already know everything about you so there's no need to have to go through all the motions of getting to know them or vice versa.

Now there are situations which warrant you cutting them off permanently. For instance, if your ex is still madly in love with you and finding anyway possible to ruin future possibilities with someone else, then they have to go. That's a stalker ex, you don't want them in your life, they are just trouble. If you had an ex who was abusive to you, emotionally or physically, they don't deserve your friendship. A friend wouldn't try to hurt you. Lastly, if you still have feelings for you ex, don't even begin to fool yourself. You are just setting yourself up for heartbreak.

But these decisions are not only about you, if you are involved in a current relationship, your new love may not appreciate your lingering ex, so you have to be mindful of their feelings as well. I think its' a sign of maturity to realize that a relationship will not work, to move beyond that and remain friends if possible. If not than turn the page onto a new chapter.

Who Doesn't Want It!

Robin Thicke's Sweetest Love

Hair Trouble

I'm at the haridresser wondering why it is whenever you ask your hairdresser to do something specific to your hair , they always take it upon themselves to do what they want to do. Whose hair is it? Is the question that I want to ask. Because I know I'm the one paying for it and its growing out of my scalp and I was born with it.

It really kills me because I am the passive aggressive type, mad as hell at what is going on with my hair but smiling like an idiot on the outside. My sister tells me all the time I should speak up and every once in a while I do and then I feel bad, like I just told my hairdresser how to do her job. Who wants to be told that? I'm afraid next time she may add a little conconcoction to my perm and I end up bald and God only knows how I would look without hair.

I guess again I just sit and and fume quietly and pray that my hair turns out the way I want it to and that though my hairdresser may have taken a different path it all ends at the same destination.

That Time Again...

The holiday season is coming around and its' always a little depressing if you don't have a significant other to share it with but don't fret! I have some great ideas to get over those holiday blues:

1) Round up your closest friends and make them suffer with you. Its' a great time to go ice skating in the park or catch the infamous Radio City Music Hall Christmas show. You get to spend time with your good friends and take your mind off of being lonely.

2) Shopping always heals the soul, but with the recent recession that's' hit its' best you skip Bloomies and catch some deals at Century 21 in Bay Ridge or if you can stand the drive to Long Island, Nordstrom off the Rack always has great deals on the designers you love.

3) Spend some time with those rug rats you call nieces and nephews. I'm sure some of us have not been the best aunties and uncles, so now is a great opportunity with their school breaks to take them out to the movies or just have some quality time.

4) With the end of the year approaching its always a good idea to clean all the junk out of your life, so take some time to go through those things you no longer need and chuck them and whatever is salvageable give to your nearest salvation army. Its a great tax write-off and a great way to feel good about yourself.

If all else fails, just hope that your new honey arrives with the new year...lol

Its' All In A Name...

To all my Shaquanda's, Laquitas, and Mojito's, your name in this world speaks volumes about you. Before you even go in for an interview, the person reading your resume has already started formulating their opinions about you. Now this is discriminatory but that is the world that we live in. I understand that people want unique names for their children but names that get them lost opportunities before they even know it, are just plain bad judgment.

I think parents need to take their time and think about the impact they want their child's name to have on them. President- elect, Barack Hussein Obama, had a Columbia and Harvard education that helped him out and the gift of gab, I don't know how many of us can say the same. We need to give our kids as much chances as possible to not be judged by starting off with simple names like Christopher, James and my all time favorite Sheila.

If you want something unique, change the way its' spelled but don't start putting days of the week together or your favorite make and model of your car. We need to start thinking about our children's' futures even before they are born. If Kristen Williams and Naquesha Mercedes Jenkins both applied for a job with equal qualifications, I think Kristen would get called for the interview first.

Sometimes It Has to Be About You

Sometimes what may be best for us personally, may not be best for those around us. At times we may have to be a little selfish with our decisions in life especially when they affect our mental health and peace of mind. It's not enough to say that because you may hurt the other person in the process what needs to be done can't be. I think we remain in certain predicaments because we are afraid of letting the other party know how we feel with the good intentions of sparing their feelings. Unfortunately, it ends up not only hurting them but you as well. When you stick around in a relationship just for the sake of sparing someones feelings you end up resentful towards that person and miserable with yourself.

When we are honest about our feelings and communicate them in such away that is civil and "I" based, meaning "I have issues I need to deal with and I feel its' best that I deal with them alone," we take the burden of responsibility off the other person and also are honest with them about how we are feeling. For example, even when someone is cheating on you the cause for the breakup is not their cheating, but the fact that you can no longer deal with their cheating because if you could deal with it and some people do, you would stay.

It's hard sometimes to be honest with people but in the end, as one door closes another opens for you and that person. If you cannot love them the way they want to be loved and they cannot love you the way you want to be loved, you allow individuals to come into both of your lives that will satisfy those needs. But even more simply sometimes you just need you time, Time to reflect on the things that you need to improve within yourself that will allow you to be a better person for a relationship and that is just as valid a reason to ask for that space if you need to.

Remember, honesty is the best policy and that includes being honest with yourself.

Things That Make You Go Hmmmm..

Ever wonder why people let the door slam in your face when they obviously see you walking behind them....

Ever wonder why people do the same things over and over again expecting different results....

Ever wonder why your mom use to lick her fingers and fix your eyebrows, as if that was hygenic.....

Ever wonder why flat tops went out of style....

Ever wonder who came up with the tootsie pop song....

Ever wonder what happened to Soul Sisters...

Ever wonder how much money is locked up in those banks vaults...

Ever wonder what happened to Punky Brewster....

Ever wonder how it would feel to be the opposite sex....

Guys FYI - HOT TOPIC

Okay, so before I start this is going to be a little grown,so that means men don't get offended. I'm going to talk about a little something called foreplay...Yep, that's what I said. Wikipedia defines foreplay as "involving different acts such as kissing, touching, embracing, talking, and teasing (teasing, in this case, may include methods of satisfaction, such as erotic sexual denial). Sexual stimulation of all kinds, such as manual or oral stimulation of erogenous zones are considered foreplay." Simply put it involves putting in some work before getting the prize from the cracker jack box.

It seems some men find it hard to engage in foreplay, assuming that it takes too much work. Well unlike men, women don't see a man and just become "excited." He's got to put in some work. A man cannot expect to get a pleasuring experience if he is not willing to take his partner to that level of "readiness." Woman are sensual creatures which means they want to be touched and kissed and all the other things mentioned above. But don't be mistaken this is a two way street. As much as woman needs to pleasured they also enjoy pleasuring as well and you only get that when she's happy with the services being rendered.

So guys next time you saddle up, make sure the horse is out of the stable and ready to ride...lol

A New Day by WILL.I.AM

Its' a new day people, and a new world. One without limitations. There are still more obstacles to get past but now we know, Yes We Can!!!

All My Single Ladies...

When I first heard Beyonce's new song "Single Ladies (Put a ring on it), I thought to myself, there's our anthem. Not only is it a catchy song but its' what every woman wants to say to that guy who takes her for granted. The outcome is the same 95%of the time. The woman moves on, and the guy is trying to get what he lost when it was his for the taking all along.

I was in the Velvet Room in Georgia, a night club, the first time I heard the song in a club and while the women were jumping around having a good time, the men were looking at us like we were in another planet. One was even shaking his head. LOL, its' so funny that even a song about commitment can make a man sour. I guess when it comes to knowing what we want, women are more able to make the choice to settle down. Men, correct me if I'm wrong but even when someone seems like the one, they still continue on their search just to be absolutely sure.

That Beyonce song just stirs up some stuff inside of me like a Barack speech..lol. Sometimes you just want to tell that man, listen, either you're going to reap the rewards or someone else will but I'd much rather it be you.

Daddy's Little Girl

I woke up this morning and got ready, patiently waiting for my Dad to come see me. We haven't seen each other in 2 months and he wanted to celebrate my birthday with me. He called at 10am and told me he couldn't make it. I'm not so disappointed just mad I had to wake up early...lol and he said he would come tomorrow.

I grew up having two families when I was child. My mom and dad separated when I was very young and so my school year was spent with my mother and my summers were with my dad. They both tell me, my mom a little less reluctantly, that I have always been daddy's little girl. The story frequently heard was that my father came to pick me up from daycare one day and the teachers actually didn't know who he was so they weren't to keen on letting him take me. It wasn't until I caught a glimpse of him that all ruckus broke loose. Supposedly, I burst into running, screaming daddy and knocking everyone out of my way at the same time, I was 3 or 4 at this time.

Nothing at all in this world can replace the love of a father in a girl's life. Though I wasn't with my dad all the time I craved my father's love and he gave it willingly. I was and still am the apple of his eye and I know this because he speaks to everyone about me, people I've met for the first time know every detail of my life. I believe a mothers' love for her child is different than a fathers'. A woman bonds with her child even before it reaches this earth but a fathers' love is like a seed, some well planted flourish, while others left untouched never sprout.

I think its' so important for a little girl to have a father in her life who shows her true unconditional love. Its the basis for all other forms of love she will encounter in her life and the only love besides the father above which is unrelenting.

Songs to Add to Your Playlist

Music is one of my passions so I thought I would share some of the songs I love and have been shared with me as well. Enjoy!

"Just like Me" - Jamie Foxx feat. T.I.

"My Heart" - Jennifer Hudson

"Heartless" - Kanye West

"So You Can Cry" - NeYo

"After Tonight" - Justin Nozuka

"Chopped and Screwed" - T-Pain feat Ludacris

"We Gon' Fight" - Jennifer Hudson

"Thirsty" - Cassie

"Blaze" - Kelly Rowland

Enough is Enough

Its sad when I see beautiful woman who have so much going for themselves allow a man to destroy them mentally, emotionally and sometimes physically. I understand being in love, I understand that sometimes we fall hard but to allow someone to tear you down has to come to an end at some point. No one should have the power to change the course of your day. Its enough that some men could care less about how they treat you but then to give them pleasure of seeing you down and out just adds more fuel to the fire.

Some men enjoy seeing women cry over them, it gives them a sense of importance. I have certainly learned some valuable lessons and one of them includes never allowing someone to have that much control over you. A man does what he does and keeps it moving, no thought about who he hurts in the process, and we as women should know when enough is enough. If you're crying more than you are happy, its' enough. If every moment of your day is spent wondering who hes' with and what hes' doing, its enough. If you start doubting who you are than enough is enough.

I was talking to a guy the other day who was trying to get me to go out with him and hes' reasoning was that, time is of the essence and if I sit around waiting for someone I may miss out on all the other wonderful opportunities that may be passing me by. Time is valuable and as it passes moments are lost and parts of your life are left empty and without meaning because you allow someone to steal your sunshine. Its' not worth it and he certainly is not worth it.

A Black Man's Perspective

A good friend of mine documented his experience on election day as well as the reactions from the different countries around the world. With his permission I'm sharing his thoughts with you. Its' not enough to want change but to also make an effort to enact change. Check out Livefromthebar.tv for more of his videos.

Incompetence

At work today a PCA was asked to restrain a patient, a simple task which involved her getting cloth restraints and tying the patients arms to the bed. She looked at the Doctor and said "What?". Restraints, he repeated, "get the restraints." She had no idea what they were. Now since I work in a hospital I know that every had to have orientation and we should know the basics. I think some people are just incompetent.

Some people are just complacent and don't want to, nor do they care to know certain things. I believe this is one of the worst traits for a person to have. I just had to share!

I'm so just blogging right now so bear with me. I'm so emotional right now, so emotional tears have been flooding my eyes all day. I heard of Barack Obama's grandmothers' death yesterday and instead of being sad I felt contentment for him. She has taken her place beside him spiritually and will guide him in a way that cannot be understood unless you believe in spirituality. She is intervening for him in a divine way right now. I can't believe I am a witness to this moment and time in history. From slavery, to civil rights, to the first black President Nominee. I am dealing with emotions right now I never thought I could feel. The pain of our ancestors, the promise of a brighter future lays at our doorsteps at this moment and time. My 9 year old niece called me this morning to asked if I had voted, and I thought wow, she cares. I said to her that this is an important day, I told her that one day she could become President. I donated to the Obama campaign, I registered to vote for the first time this election, there is so much at stake. I watched guys standing on the corner on my way home from school and wondered if they understood the years of oppression that had and would be lifted off of them today. I wondered about my children and what today would mean for them. I wondered if this was how people felt when they walked along side Martin Luther King Jr, or ran through those tunnels with Harriet Tubman. I wondered if they felt the same way I feel now, that I'm a part of what's to come and its' better than what has been. I sit here emotional because this should have never been an unattainable goal in the first place and here we are breaking barriers. We're not niggers anymore, we are more than that and have always been but today we have proof, today we say thank you to all those before us. Today I voted because someone fought for me to have that right. Today I felt more proud of being black than I ever felt! I had a little more swagger in my step and even if this doesn't turn out the way I want it to, nothing is ever done in vain. I just can't believe it guys, just can't believe it.

Ladies and Gents!

Found this awesome quote and thought it would be best to share and though it is written for woman I'm sure some men can agree as well.

"Women are like apples on trees, the best ones are on top of the tree. The men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and don't want to get hurt. Instead, they just get the rotten apples from the ground that aren't so good but easy. So, the apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality they are amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who's brave enough to climb all the way to the top because they value quality"

Tomorrow is the Big Day!

Tomorrow we let our voices be heard. Tomorrow is the opportunity that has been knocking on our doors for a long time. Tomorrow you and I take a stand for peace, unity and a brighter future for our children. You can be part of the change or you can be part of the problem. There has never been a more important time in our lives than these last few hours in history and believe me we are making history when we go to those polls. We are another step up the ladder tomorrow when we cast our votes.

Now I'll tell you know, if you don't know already, I'm voting for the first black president! When asked "If I was voting for Obama because he was black?" I replied hell yes but that is just one of the many reasons. I should have asked "Are you not going to vote for him because he is?" but some things are better left unsaid. I'm voting for change, I'm voting for hope, I'm voting for an intelligent man who represents the United States of America flawlessly.

He is what the the Civil Rights Movement was fighting for and now I get to see history as it unfolds. This is just one of the many steps but the door has widen so much more than we could have ever imagined. I am proud to be Black at this moment and at this time, I have someone who represents me running for office. All black men are not locked up in jail doing nothing with their lives, all black men are not unfaithful, all black men are not lazy, all black man are not unintelligent.

I hope that tomorrow you vote, period. We can't sit around and wait for things to happen. I was mad as hell when Bush won the office twice but neither time was I at a voting booth so I was an accomplice, when I didn't vote against him I voted for him! So my readers, my friends, some of you who I've never met, tomorrow I'm asking you to be part of CHANGE! I'm asking you to be mentioned as one of the millions of first time voters in history to want more for our country. Don't be fooled by the poll numbers, they say my Black President is winning but that may be just to keep you away from the polls. Be part of History tomorrow, have a story to tell your grandchildren. If you're not voting for Change, you're voting for more of the Same!

UPS is Playing Games....

I have been waiting for my new phone to come in the mail since the beginning of October. Finally, on Thursday as I arrived home from school, I saw the UPS infonotice on my door. They had made their first attempt. Friday I was off from school in the morning so I figured I would be home to recieve my package. When I checked the infonotice though I realized that they had written that the next delivery attempt would be made on Wednesday, which means a whole week would have passed so I called them. They informed me that that was mistake and my package was scheduled for delivery that morning.

So I sat and waited and watched and waited. Paced back and forth, because I really love gadgets and I wanted to play with my new toy! At 1:00pm I decided to get the mail and dammit there was a damn infonotice on my door. These bastards had came and I didn't even know. I was fuming because though my bell doesn't work the huge knocker on the door would give you a clue! But anyway, I called UPS again and asked that they hold my package so I could pick it up. They said I could come between the hours if 8-10pm that night. I went to work and took my break at 8:00pm, drove over to UPS and got inside....

There was 50 people waiting on line at UPS and as I cursed in my head at having to wait on this long line because of the laziness of some people I listened to other people's conversations. Seems they all had the same problem I had, they were all home at the time of delivery and had no idea why UPS had left an infonotice. Whats' even creepier is that 50% of them were waiting for their G1 phones as was I. After 45mins of being on line I finally reached the counter, the guy takes my notice and goes to the back to retrieve my package... it wasn't there, supposedly my UPS guy hadn't returned with my package yet. Well I'll be damned!!!

It's Monday morning and I'm like an assassin scoping out my target. I've positioned my self next to the door where I will remain for the rest of the morning until my package shows up because today I win the war with UPS!!!

Love Me or Leave Me Alone

They say by the age of five a child's personality is full formed , so one can only imagine at the age of 27 who I am is not going to change. It seems sometimes I have to validate who I am with others ad honestly I'm tired of it. I'm going to be who I am regardless of whether it fits into someones' preconceived notions of me or not. Everyone falls short at times, as do I but my goal is to learn from the mistakes I've made.

I can't lie there are times when I have tried to change who am for others and it has failed miserably, I end up upset with myself for acting in such a way and mad at the other person for expecting these changes from me. It's hard when you have one individual in your life who thinks you're the most horrible person in the world and everyone else thinks otherwise. For me unfortunately, the opinion of that one person means the world to me. It eradicates every good thing that others have said about me and makes me question myself over and over again.

Today is going to be a different day, I'm putting my foot down, today I'm saying that this one person can't be so right and the rest of the world so wrong. Today I'm saying maybe this person has some issues they need to deal with because there is nothing wrong with me. Today I'm believing that I'm not such a bad person after all. Today I'm saying you either love me or leave me alone.

Is Anyone Unlovable?

During my time in Georgia, my girlfriends and I went to the movies and watched "The Secret Life of Bees." You can only imagine the buckets of tears shed with four woman watching a movie like this...lol. It was embarrassing but anyway the movie was fantastic. It was one line in the movie in particular that struck a chord with my heart though.

Dakota Fanning's character tells Queen Latifah's character that she feels she is "unlovable." Imagine a fourteen year old girl believing that there is no one in this world that loves her,or ever will, not even her mother or father. I thought about all the people in this world who share her same feelings. The little girls getting raped by their family members, the little boy wishing he had a father to play ball with.

Its a sad thought. I cried because I had moments when I felt the same way when I was in my destructive relationship. Moments where I thought no man could ever love me because of the behavior of one and its not a pleasant feeling. I wonder how many of us destroy ourselves because of that fact alone.

No matter our circumstances, I believe there is ultimately one source of love that is relentless, enduring and satisfying, God's love for us. His love climbs all mountains and when I feel in the dumps I know that he's always there for me. Believing in his love never steers me wrong. We are all lovable in God's eyes.