Is Anyone Unlovable?

During my time in Georgia, my girlfriends and I went to the movies and watched "The Secret Life of Bees." You can only imagine the buckets of tears shed with four woman watching a movie like this...lol. It was embarrassing but anyway the movie was fantastic. It was one line in the movie in particular that struck a chord with my heart though.

Dakota Fanning's character tells Queen Latifah's character that she feels she is "unlovable." Imagine a fourteen year old girl believing that there is no one in this world that loves her,or ever will, not even her mother or father. I thought about all the people in this world who share her same feelings. The little girls getting raped by their family members, the little boy wishing he had a father to play ball with.

Its a sad thought. I cried because I had moments when I felt the same way when I was in my destructive relationship. Moments where I thought no man could ever love me because of the behavior of one and its not a pleasant feeling. I wonder how many of us destroy ourselves because of that fact alone.

No matter our circumstances, I believe there is ultimately one source of love that is relentless, enduring and satisfying, God's love for us. His love climbs all mountains and when I feel in the dumps I know that he's always there for me. Believing in his love never steers me wrong. We are all lovable in God's eyes.

Nick Cannon and Mariah Carey

Umm...I just don't know about this couple, they sort of scare me, like Mickey in that picture. Where did this relationship come from and how does it work? You have bombshell Mariah with dufus Nick Cannon. I think Mariah is trying to hold on to her youth, girl do what you got to do! I'm just waiting for this relationships inevitable demise. Don't say I didn't tell you so!

Just Wanted to Share

I just wanted to share this quote I read with my readers: "Rosa sat so Martin could walk, Martin walked so Obama could run, Obama ran so our children could fly". Make sure you vote this November 4th, our children's lives are at stake!

Hood Rat Chicks

So I previously spoke about my "Fronters," so now I must pay homage to my "hood rat chicks." I must say that I grew up in the "hood," Ocean Avenue and Albermarle, couldn't be any more Flatbush. I watched the drug dealers deal, heard the gun shots through the night, had the lights beaming through my window from the NYPD helicopters. We left when I saw the shooter run up the stairs and my mom get out of the elevator 1 second later. I know the "hood," I'm a product of it but a fine product that is...lol.

Though I was raised in the "hood", it doesn't mean I don't know how to articulate. It doesn't mean I don't know the difference between what you wear to the club and what you wear to work. I know that having a baby daddy is not a cool thing and having relations with a guy because he has a fly car is not the highlight of my life. I just wish some of these girls understood that there is a whole life outside of Bedstuy, Brownsville and Williamsburg. I read alot as a child so I got to envision life outside of the "hood."

It disturbs me to see young woman cursing up a storm, or letting some guy grope them in public. When every word out of her mouth is a curse I wonder how well she's doing in school and how well she will do on her first job interview, besides McDonald's. How far in life can someone go if they cannot speak properly. Now those who know me know that I can switch up, I can roll with the best of them but I know when its' appropriate and when it is not. I'm not trying to take away from the "hood" but you have got to know when to leave it behind.

Being a product of the hood doesn't make someone any less of person unless what they take from it, is what was given. You've got to rise above the circumstances and want more than it offers. Don't forget where you came from but know where you going and what its going to take to get there!

Cocky Vs. Confident

There is a difference between cockiness and confidence. What's the difference you ask? People who are confident are able to validate it with intelligence and personality, unlike people who are cocky who have no real ground to stand on because there is no actual basis for their cockiness. I think confidence in yourself is a good thing. Though people may praise you for accomplishments no praise is better than self praise.

Its never good enough to do things for the sake other people so why would it be good enough to only accept praise from others. Being able to acknowledge that you've done a good job is not a bad thing. Its' actually what motivates you to continue to do good things. I had a friend tell me self praise is no praise at all, well to me self praise is the best praise, it says that you are aware of who you are and understand that ultimately you have to answer to yourself when all is said and done.

Cocky people are searching for reassurance, whereas confident people are just acknowleding what they already know to be true.

By Request

One of my readers requested that I ask this question in my next blog.The question to my readers is this, what do you do when your friends girlfriend/boyfriend hits on you?
I'll answer the question first since its my blog...lol. Personally, I would just laugh it off. I would pretend he is joking and make light of the situation until he realizes that he won't be getting anywhere fast. If he didn't get the hint I would tell him that I wouldn't want to hurt my friends feelings by getting involved with him so he's barking up the wrong tree.

In my opinion, he must not think much of me if he thinks I would stoop low enough to cheat with him.

Woman FYI

Treat your man like the King he thinks he is: Yes, that may mean biting that tongue when you know what's going to come out ladies. Men like to feel in charge, so let him take the lead. Sometimes in public we have to put on a different facade then what goes on behind closed doors.

Allow him to be honest with you: You have to be open to what men have to say even if you may not like it. If he knows he can talk to you without blowing your top then guess what, he'll talk to you. That doesn't mean that you can't call your bestie and scream at her about the crap he just told you!

Give him attention: Though men may not act like it, they love attention just as much as women, if not more. Its' the kind of attention that matters though. Don't call him 10 times in an hour but do shower him with kisses when you see him, he wants to know his lady has got the hots for him.

You've got to love him and his friends: At times we may think that we're only getting the man but you have also gotten into a relationship with his friends as well. Trust me there not going nowhere, so better you have a good relationship than think that his best friend is talking bad about you behind your back.

Show interest in his interest: My ex loved cars and as a result of that I have a love for cars. Sometimes what they like may be boring as hell or you end up loving it too but make an effort, it shows him that you're interested in every aspect of him.

Ladies, if you want a good man you've got to be a good woman!

A Blast From The Past

I used to hang out frequently with my brother when we were younger, we would go to parties together. This particular time I was with him and his girlfriend. Before going out we went to house and had some drinks and then set off on our adventure. As we were parked waiting for one of his friends a vehicle pulled up behind us and began to honk. My brothers' girlfriend, a little intoxicated at the time, screamed out the window for them to wait. Next thing I knew a hand was coming through the window and had made contact with my brothers' girlfriends face. She hopped out of the car and the fight began. Now she was a tough cookie so she was handling her own but next thing I knew I caught one of the blows right to my head, for being the innocent drunk bystander. This stories lesson, if you've been drinking and people are fighting stay in the car!

Your Ex, My New Boyfriend?

The verdict is in, I conducted a poll asking my readers if it was okay to date a friend's ex and the results were unanimous....No! I think that dating an ex of my friends is just unethical for several reasons. First, you have to imagine every time that you're with that person that what you're doing with them your friend did as well and you have to wonder who he thinks is doing it better (if you get what I mean.) At times that comparison is just too much to bear.

Secondly, you never really know if the ex's feelings for you or genuine or them trying to get back at your friend. They could have intentionally picked you to pay back some hurt feelings that they are dealing with. You could just be playing a pawn in the game of chess and you're not even aware of it.

Thirdly, friendship that is deeply rooted should never cross those lines. Ex's are just suppose to be off limits because...their suppose to be! If you suddenly have the hots for my ex, I have to assume that those feelings were there way before he and I broke up, which leads me to think all the times I cried to my friend about my ex and she was the first to tell me to leave him, what were her real intentions? All in all, I think these may be one of those situations that test the authenticity of a friendship. I think a real friend knows whats acceptable and what is not!

Thank God for Sanity

Working in a Psychiatric unit has taught me many valuable lessons. The most important...thank God for my sanity. To understand "craziness" is to see someone live it everyday of their lives. To have no control over your emotions, or thoughts is not a pleasant feeling.

Before working in a psych unit, I used the word crazy very loosely. Everyone was crazy to me but mental illness is nothing like I thought it would be. I've had moments of hysterics, anger and sadness at work. When I see a 19 year old with newly diagnosed Schizophrenia, I already know in which direction his life is going to go. When I meet a person who has borderline personality disorder, I know by then end of the night I'll be pulling out my hair, and my favorite patient, I'll call her RM, was a model in the 70's, so she says, and she can fit all of my clothes even though I'm a 2 and she's a 10...lol.

What we have to be thankful for is our sanity. The ability to make decisions and not have your thoughts control you is a luxury. Not feeling suicidal or attempting to kill yourself is a luxury. Not feeling so depressed that getting out of bed for days at a time eludes you is a luxury. We all have our moments in life when the chips are down but just imagine those who don't have the support you have, or the insight to make decisions which are conducive to your life. Again, be grateful that you're on the outside of the padded walls.

T-Mobile G1 Phone

The new T-Mobile G1 Phone is coming out October 22nd. Its' powered by Google and is the T-Mobile version of the I-Phone. 3G capabilities, touch screen and full qwerty board that slides out. Mine will be arriving November 10th...lol

The Other Woman

Those who know me can accurately say that I've never been the other woman, its' not in my genes. I'm too selfish to ever take on that title but some women find it fulfilling almost challenging. My take on it, you have to be one messed up individual to want what's not yours. That's' a little desperate to me and a show of someone who doesn't think themselves worthy enough to have someone all to yourself.

If you're the other woman, figure out what's lacking in you that makes that acceptable. Whether its' a lack of self-esteem or lack of respect for yourself or others, get it together. You should never be alright with being second. You're worth so much more than that and you will find that person who feels the same way about you, you just have to be willing to look.

A Farewell Message!

Just wanted to tell my dedicated readers that I'll be on hiatus until October 26th, I'm off to Georgia to celebrate my birthday. Be back on Monday to get the scoop on my trip and all the interesting things still going through my head! If I get bored enough though I may just post through my blackberry...lol

Celebrity of The Week

Oh yes, I love me some Denzel, who doesn't? Women and men alike are intrigued by this man. He has an air about him. MARRIED 25 years to the same woman and has never fallen off of his game. His movies are riveting, his performances stellar, and you just can't get enough of the "Denzel look", ladies know what I'm talking about. His "swag" on point, watch him as he walks away...lol. I must say if I died and came back as a male actor, it would have to be him, or Morgan Freeman in his younger days.

Breaking Up Was Never Easy but Now It Is!

Breaking up is tough thing to do when you know you're going to hurt the other persons feelings but how you do it is even more important. With the creation of text and instant messaging people have been given a new and easier way to break up.

Though I've never done the breaking up thing in text, I have used it as an outlet to say things I just wouldn't say if the person were standing right in front me. Having text messaging is like having a shot of patron. It takes the edge off. We become people we never thought we were when you're miles away and don't have to see the reaction of the person we're speaking to.

Though at times we want to take the easy way out, I've learned certain things are better said in person. Even though you don't want to give the other person an explanation for the break-up, which is why most people dread it, sending a text message doesn't even allow the opportunity for a decent conversation. Its only fair to the other person that they know why things didn't work out.

If you were thinking about making it easier on yourself by breaking up through texting or IM just imagine how you would feel if the shoe were on the other foot or better yet if the phone were in the other hand.

FYI Guys!

Never make plans you know you cant keep: A woman hates to be stood up. When she's changed all her plans to spend some time with you and you show no regard for her time it doesn't leave a good impression. If a woman wants to spend time with you its' because she likes to because she'd rather be at home dancing in from of the mirror to the new Beyonce song.

If you get caught in a lie admit it and apologize: Nothing shows a woman how mature and honest you are then admitting you're wrong and apologizing about it. It takes a good man to own up to his mistakes, a very attractive trait.

If you love her, tell her: Woman know its' hard for a man to express his feelings so when you do express how you feel she knows its genuine. Every woman wants to know that their loved by their significant other and though gifts are nice hearing it is even nicer.

Communication is key Knowing what's going on in her man's head is every woman's dream. So, talk to her, let her know what's going on in your life. Woman hate to find out that you were going through tough times and she had no idea.

Make her laugh! Who doesn't like a good laugh but woman especially love a man who has a sense of humor. If you're not good with jokes try tickling her...lol

I'm telling you if you follow my advice, she'll never leave your side!

It Is What It Is!

At times we can become a little naïve about our expectations of people. I always set them high and allow people to deduct their own cool points. But at times you can be reallly thrown off track when you know in your heart of hearts that certain people will not let you down.

At these times I have to say to myself, when someone shows you who they are you have to believe them. Some people do not share the same moral codes as we all do. I was surprised by a certain persons' behavior today and I had to remind myself that everyone is not who they seem. What we may create in our minds as the ideal person may not be an accurate depiction.

I believe that's one of the lessons I have yet to fully understand. I always look for the good in others to a default but I hate to think that people are just innately immoral and unrepentent. I don't think I ever want to think of someone as a bad person even before I've given them a chance but sometimes you have to take it as you see it.

Slavery's Effects on Our Culture

What has slavery done to the Black Family? Some think slavery is something that happened in the past that was horrible and ended. I believe slavery has left an indelible mark on the black family.

Imagine the devastation of men being ripped from their families, watching their wives being raped. The man, the staple of the family, with no control over his home. He is stripped of his dignity and pride and made to feel like an animal.

The psychological effect this has on his manhood is profound. It tore the black family apart. I think it still riddles a majority of our black families today. Father's who don't feel the need to be part of their children's' lives is an idea that is indigent to our black communities.

In order to conquer someone you must make them less than you and slavery still has those effects. Ultimately, I think slavery did what it intended to do. It disabled our young black men and made them feel inferior and took away the pride and self-esteem that black cultures once held. Not to get back on the election topic, but Barack Obama is a blessing in disguise, he is the hope of the young black man.

I don't care about the 40 acres in a mule, what's crucial is that our young black men feel confident in their abilities and understand the line of men that they came from. Strong black men, so strong that they were brutalized and exterminated because they were feared. It was fear that initiated slavery, a fear of their potential for greatness.

I Knew I Was Special!!!

Oh Sheila, The white version, hilarious!!!

Fronters!

Picture this, you meet this guy, he's driving a brand new BMW 745, rims and all. He has on the most expensive jeans, he's got diamonds in his ear, on his arm and around his neck. You think "wow this guy must really be doing good for himself." Than he takes you to his place and he lives in the damn projects and the worst one at that.

Why!!! Why do certain guys insist on living above there means. Why not save all that money and purchase a condo at the least. But ladies I have some tips for you...lol. If his license plate cover says "Major World" on it, he's a fronter and his credit is horrible! Do you often see him driving different cars, like my friend Cavanie would say, its' probably a rental! Does he pay for everything on his credit or debit card, the credit card is usually a back-up not a primary form of payment! Now I'm just being silly but you should seek out someone who has their priorities in order. Is he educated, responsible and goal-oriented? These are the things which are important, don't be fooled by the glamour!

With Age Comes Wisdom

Next week Thursday is my birthday and I'll be turning the Big 21...lol for those of you who know me, you get the joke. I remember being younger and wishing old age so that I could do all things adults do and then I got older and started paying bills and wanted to be a child again. Now I'm okay with my age.

With age comes wisdom. What I didn't know as a child, I've learned as an adult. Such as, acquaintances come and go but friends are there for the long haul. Relationships don't always turn out the way we want them to but they turn out the way their suppose to. Everything is a life lesson, you either learn from it or repeat the same mistakes over and over again. Family is not only the people who share your blood line. Work should be fun and should never feel like a chore. Lastly, God is the only man who fulfills all your needs.

Though I still look like I'm eighteen, my chronological age is creeping up there but I'm happy with where I am in life. I'm not taking one day for granted. So as I count down the days until the day of my birth, I also count my blessings. There is no greater blessing than to have lived (cough, cough)for 21 years on this earth and hopefully many more!

Ladies, Ladies, Ladies...

Ladies, why do we insist on getting jealous when we know what we've got at home? Why do we play into the hands of the petty girl and I call her girl because a woman never wants whats already taken. We allow all this anger to build up inside of us because we're afraid of what we may lose. Well dammit if we lose it, it was never ours in the first place and good riddance.

To play the role of the jealous woman serves us no purpose and it makes you seem out of control, over bearing and over protective. I understand that you want to punch that girl in her face when she starts whispering in your boyfriends ear in front of your face or make it her place to touch him excessively but that's' what she wants you to do. She wants you to lose your cool and your cool points with your man. If you remain calm and in control he knows what he's got. A man loves a woman with confidence.

What's really important is that your man checks her. If he backs away or pulls you closer than you've got a keeper. If he's laughing up a storm and soaking up the attention, than you've got yourself a loser with a capital L.

Friends with Benefits?

As we get older, men and woman alike, find it harder to find steady relationships because their criteria for their mate has become more solidified. Not everyone is applicable at this stage. What ends up happening is you find a particular individual, a friend who you share a sexual attraction with and decide to add a little spice to the mixture. Here begets your friend with benefits.

The problem occurs when your friend with benefits starts becoming more than just a sexual attraction but an emotional one as well. Now this doesn't happen all of the time but some of the time it does. What's worst is when your friend with benefits turns out to be a great guy/girl. Some individuals have to decide whether they are willing to keep the sexual relationship even at the expense of their feelings or end it and spare the heartache. Its' harder for woman to detach sexual feelings and emotional ones, that's' an easier task for men.

I think ultimately, someone gets hurts, because one party is never as willing to let it go as easily as the other. Friends should remain just that, friends, a little flirting here and there never hurts but anything more is just setting your self up for trouble.

What's Hot!

You can find these Casio G-Shock watches @ g-shock.com. They have colors to match all your favorite outfits. Available in male and female styles, durable and water resistant. The prices are pretty good as well, ranging from $89.00 and above. Enjoy!

The Obama Scandal

Who, like me, was waiting for the mistress to come out of the wood works and say she had an affair with Barack Obama? Who was waiting for the money scandal or the drug charges? I have got to say that this is the first clean presidential candidate I've seen thus far. Whatever skeletons Presidential candidate Obama is hiding in his closets is kept tightly locked away.

What I've found with Obama is that people find it very hard to attack his character. What can you say about this man? He's a Harvard educated, family man who gave up money to fix his community. He believes in hope, unity and peace. How can you attack such ideals? At every critical time in history there has been that one beacon of light, Martin Luther King, Ghandi, Mother Theresa, Harriet Tubman..the list goes on. They have all restored ideals that people thought were lost, fought for those who couldn't fight for themselves and all relied on the concept of hope. Can you imagine what life would be now without their efforts?

Election Day is right around the corner, so republicans may save their last blow until the end but so far nothing substantial has been brought forth and honestly I don't think anything will. The Obama Scandal...just a myth.

Corner Boys

I had to speak on it, because its' something that perturbs me. Why is it in the morning you see the same guys on the corner that you see in the evening when you get home? I've heard of holding up the wall in a club but holding down the street corner makes no sense to me. Get A Job! That's what I want to scream out the window as I drive by. Nothing upsets me more than unproductive, young men.

It literally takes the place of a 9 to 5 and sometimes they are out there later than that. And the funniest part is the attempt to court young women who are passing by. Nothing is appealing about a man who can stand on his feet all day, talking about absolutely nothing of value but can't take his butt to school or work. I guess the whole "corner boy" idea came from the times when the older men would sit outside and play their game of dominoes to socialize but those men had lived their lives and were retired.

If you are a corner boy or know of anyone who is a corner boy..get a life. You're scaring the old woman who have to pass you by concerned by the possibility that you may steal their purse. Don't get mad when the cops harass you because its' called loitering, and if that young woman gives you an attitude its because you had the audacity to think you could even have the time of day.

Friendship 101

I'm a very picky person when it comes to friends and because of my sociable attitude many people gravitate to me. At times, I would rather certain individuals stay at a distance. I have minimal time for drama,I'm not an attention-seeker, and I am not interested in people who lack motivation. I have friends who reflect me. Whether their humorous, compassionate, giving, go-getter's or spiritual all my close friends display some of my characteristics, which they should.

You attract people into your life who share similar interest with you. That means I do not allow people in my life who don't represent the things that I think are important to have, like character, class, the ability to be humble and respect for people and their relationships. I think its' important to concern your self with the quality of friends that you have, you want the right people in your corner and helping when the chips are down.

If I Were A Boy?

I wasn't a real fan of the Beyonce "If I were a boy" song until I saw the video, which is awesome. The video begins with her in the male role, flirting a little, not picking up her phone when her boyfriend calls and then switches midway to her being in the female role. It made me wonder if men ever put themselves in a woman's' position. I think in most relationships men have the upper hand. They usually have less invested in the relationship and can easily detach themselves from the other person.

For my male readers, I'd like to know if you've ever been in the vulnerable position? Have you ever felt disrespected by your significant other as far as cheating was concerned? How would you feel if you were in some of the predicaments women find themselves in? Do you ever understand where a woman is coming from and just choose to ignore it? It would be interesting to see how men view relationships. Add your comments and give my female readers some insight!

A Blast From The Past

Everyone has done it...looked back at pictures of yourself and said "Wow, what was I thinking?" There was a time Air Max sneakers were the in thing and I had red and white ones. I went and brought a superman tee shirt to wear with it (red and white as well.) I thought I was cute as could be. Now you know when you wash your jeans too much they tend to shrink in length and that's what happened with these particular jeans. My socks were showing, that's how high up my jeans were. It wasn't cute at all but no one could tell me that at the time.

Is Cheating Okay?

So of course like most women I've been cheated on and the feeling is not so pleasant. What I wonder is, are there ever any circumstances where cheating is okay? If I cheat on my boyfriend because he cheated on me is that okay? If I cheat because he doesn't spend enough time with me, is that okay? If I cheat because he isn't good in bed, is that okay?

I wonder if there is a ever a situation where you can justify cheating. I think not! Cheating is cheating, no matter when its' done. I always say, if I feel the urge to cheat its' time for me to move on. If the person you are with is lacking why put yourself through all the headache, just K.I.T (keep it moving). Cheating can be detrimental, it lowers self-esteem and brings out the crazy side of you or me..lol. I think its' one of the most disrespectful things to do, along with lying straight to my face. I'd rather someone told me they didn't want to be with me than have me hoodwinked into believing I'm in a committed relationship. It is a sad thing when people come to tell you what your significant other is doing behind your back.

I hear it all that time that all men cheat but I'm praying that there is one out there who can keep his friend in his pants and think about the consequences of his actions before he shoots his gun. And by all means, not to single men out, woman are cheaters too, we're just better at it. So men, if she suddenly stops caring about spending time with you or just stops caring in general...heads up, she's either doing it or about to give you the ax. To all my cheaters out there, think about what you're doing because remember Karma is a ....

Me Time

I love being alone. I find alone time with myself is actually a time of introspection. Its at these times I get things right with myself, reflect on the choices I've made and try to work through my issues. Some people hate being alone with themselves, I revel in it.

Its so important to reflect on your life. Weigh the options and assess the decisions that have been made and need to be made. Its only through reflection that you realize when you have made bad choices. Its by combing through the events and exploring different ways to deal with them that you gain new knowledge.

Also, being alone with yourself helps you to appreciate you. If you can't be happy with yourself how can you be happy with anyone else. By understanding what your expectations are you allow people to relate to you on those levels. Learn to love yourself in those quiet alone moments.

Old School Flavor- Slick Rick "Hey Young World"

Mommy's Day

Mothers' are so important...not just because they give birth to us but because of the wisdom they impart and love they provide. Today is my mothers' birthday and as she gets older and I get younger...lol our relationship has matured. We are now more than just mother and daughter but also friends. She shares the good moments and the bad. I can talk to her about anything and she is always supportive.

My mother is the epitome of the superwoman. She raised four children by herself, sent us to private school from elementary school to college all on a minimum wage salary. After putting us through school at 49 she decided to go back and became a Registered Nurse. Before my mother provided for herself she made sure we were taken care of first. There is no better role model to me. They say children are blessings, but I say mother's are the real blessings.

Life Lessons

Its 2am and I can't sleep because I've consumed too much alcohol..lol. I went to a friends baby shower and had a wonderful time. I tell you, nothing soothes the soul more than good laughs with wonderful people. I will repeat myself, I have awesome individuals in my life and what I've realized about genuine friendships is that you don't have to see someone everyday, real friendships pick up right where they left off.


It seems, as I have grown older relationships have ended which I never thought would and now new seeds have been planted which are blossoming so beautifully. I truly am grateful for all the people God has placed in my life at this point and time. They are on time, much needed and irreplaceable.

You don't always get a chance to tell people how important they are to you, so I'll say it now. For those of you who are reading, you should know who you are, you have expanded my life a few years with the joy you've brought...you know laughter adds years on...lol.

If you haven't told the people in your life how important they are let them know. Everyone likes to feel special. Don't wait until their chapter in your life has ended.

Those Moments

You've ever had those moments when you just pictured yourself hitting somebody right in their head..lol. One of those, Monster-in -Law moments. Sometimes people floor me with their stupidity. Common sense is so much more important than book sense. I mean there are some things that don't use many nerve impulses to understand.
Common sense is just that, common. Today I decided to wear my Obama shirt and this man had the audacity to ask me who I'm voting for, with a serious look on his face, people he wasn't joking. I said "John McCain," and he asked me "why are you wearing an Obama shirt then?" I just saw my fist hitting him in the center of his head and then I snapped out of it. I laughed and walked away. Common sense people. It goes along way.

By Request

So a very good friend called me today to tell me he enjoyed reading my blog, but was perplexed by the fact he didn't have somewhere to post things about me. So I told him I would do this especially for him. Whatever thoughts you have about the blog, or me, here is your opportunity. You can post as anonymous or yourself. Hope you've enjoyed so far!

Why Are You Stealing My Energy?

Ever been in an argument with someone and felt yourself being physically drained? I read a book called "The Celestine Prophecy" and one of its' chapters is dedicated to interpersonal relationships. The focus of the chapter is to understand how people make themselves feel better by stealing other peoples' energy. So this is the guy who calls you "stupid" when you're arguing or the girl who tells you "you're broke anyway so why am I even talking to you." These people aim to reduce your self-esteem in order to boost theirs. It happens all the time in everyday interactions. When someone doesn't agree with another viewpoint they belittle them.

The key to understanding this type of relationship and dealing with this person is to react to them in an unconventional manner. When you don't feed into someones' anger, which is what they are displaying, they acknowledge that they are out of context and reign themselves in. For instance, someone is yelling and screaming at you and in a calm tone you reply "why are you yelling," they immediately check themselves. Their tone gets lower and they ask you what you're talking about. You're basically being their mirror and showing them how ugly they are at that moment. On the other hand, if you react to them in the same manner, what you end up with is a power struggle, which no one wins.

If you think of all relationships as a flow of energy between two people, then what you give should be equal to what you take, otherwise someone is lacking.

The Blessings from Above

I was reading a note that someone wrote and included was this quote..."When God takes something from your grasp, he's not punishing you, but merely opening your hands to receive something better." How many times in our lives have we been so distraught over a lost love, a missed job opportunity or just losing some money that we thought the world was over? I felt the pain of heartbreak and I mean actually felt it in my heart, so I can understand the emotion that these experiences evoke.

Whats' universal about the experience, is that in most cases, something comes along that is more fulfilling than previous. A better job, a better lover or a check that you weren't expecting. We get down in the dumps about something and then end up with something better than what we had. If you've ever been in a relationship and said to yourself, you shouldn't be here and time and time again events occur that prove it to be true, its his way of taking what you attempt to hold on to. I always believe that God has something in store for us, greater than our expectations.

His expectations for us are profound, but you must first open your heart and mind to receive the blessing. I can only hope for the things that I want, but God provides all that I need. If you believe that he has your best interest at heart, what you get is more than enough. So in those moments when you feel you have lost it all remember that through him all things are possible and your blessing is right around the corner.

A Blast from the Past

High School, as I'm looking back, was probably one of the best few years of my life. I had great friends and we had lots of fun. I remember one day sitting in the cafeteria with two of my friends just laughing and making jokes. I happened to be making fun of one of my friends at the time. So she started throwing things at me and the next thing I knew a penny was coming full force at me, got me right on my two front teeth. I laughed and cried because it was funny as hell and it hurt like hell too. Classic high school moment.

Light Skin vs. Dark Skin

The debate has raged for many a years about the color of skin. When I was growing up the light skin fad was in. I, being of dark chocolate persuasion, was looked down upon. I felt ashamed of my color growing up because I was made to feel unattractive. Its' hard as a child to understand beauty as subjective and relative to what an individual considers beautiful. Now that I have matured, I embrace my beauty, I know where it comes from...within. Inner beauty shines bright, there is no denying it when you've meet someone who emits an air of confidence, and poise. There really isn't a debate when it comes to light skin vs. dark skin, its about what's beneath the complexion that really counts.

New Music: Jennifer Hudson - My Heart

Celebrity of the Week

It seems Ri-Ri's jump over to the pop side has done wonders for her career and I can't lie, the new edgy looks isn't so bad either. She's fashion forward and has a following when it comes to style. Personally I always loved Rihanna's sound. If you listened to "Music Of the Sun," she had some great songs which were a little more Caribbean based but had a great feel. I'm giving Rihanna a high five, for reinventing herself and having everyone forget shes' from the Barbados...lol. Go RI-RI!

The Secret

Hopefully, if you have not read "The Secret" already, you'll put it on your book list. This book aims to define the secret to life and most importantly the key to happiness. Its unconventional in its' thinking but offers a much needed concept to our lives. The idea that we control our destiny by thinking things into existence. Yes, using cognition to generate the things that we want in our lives.

You're probably wondering, what I'm talking about. Basically, its' saying to yourself I want ______, and by saying it to yourself, you subconsciously work your life in a way that you bring it to you. You begin to live in a way that will allow what you want to be gained. Its' not such a hard concept to grasp if you understand basic psychology. Our subconscious affects the thoughts that we are unaware of, if your subconscious is trained to believe that you worthless, your behaviors reflect your feelings of worthlessness and you in turn feel worthless. On the other hand, if you began saying to yourself, I am a wonderful person, who is kind and loving, you behave that way and people reinforce your thinking.

Now apply this concept to your life. Its' not a far fetch. Millionaires sleep, eat and dream money. They say to themselves I need to be richer, I am going to be richer and they start doing things to make their thoughts come into existence. They think money into their lives. Hey, I don't think its' such a bad concept to try.

Jennifer Hudson and Punk?

Has J Hud ever heard of sloppy seconds? This dude was New York's (from I love New York and Flavor of Love) leftover. Who wants that? I mean to each his own but really Punk? He has S-curls like the guy in "Coming to America". I guess love comes in all shapes, sizes and curls!

Does a Title Earn You Respect?

My title at my previous job was School-Age Program Coordinator. I was in charge of supervising 6 staff and aided in hiring and training new staff. The program catered to 65 school-aged children, which you can imagine was a tough job in itself. My director and I had a good relationship, there was a mutual respect for one another. When she got out of line I put her in check and that was our relationship...lol. Even though I had this title I always kept my self on the same level with all those I worked with and since I was the youngest of my co-workers it didn't take much to know my place. But when I had something to say it was heard and we worked as a team to get things done.I never felt my title made me better than anyone and people respected me even at my young age because I treated them with respect.

In a conversation I had with a friend years ago, he mentioned that he couldn't wait to get a title so that he could get respect. I didn't get this concept because respect is earned. People don't just say "hey I respect you because you're a doctor." You respect people because of their interactions with you and others. You respect people because they treat you like a human being, by acknowledging your feelings and not demeaning you. You respect people when their honest.

Now there's a difference between fear and respect and some people get the two confused. Many fear the NYPD but have little respect for them. Its my belief that those who seek titles to earn respect are misguided and probably have some issues when it comes to self-esteem. So make sure you get your respect the right way....by earning it!

Do Long Distance Relationships Work?

I've never been a proponent of long distance relationships until recently. What it really boils down to is quality vs. quantity. The amount of time you spend with some is not as important as the quality of time. What is that you do when you guys spend time together? Is there constant bickering or are you sharing laughs with each other. Are you upset because you haven't seen each other or are you glad to have them in your presence, to hug and hold.

I think long distance relationships are more dependent on how mature the two individuals are. If there is an understanding about the reasons for the distance and the two agree about the fact that it is not permanent than its easier to handle. Some long distance relationships last because there is an opportunity for people to miss one another. When they finally do get a chance to see each other, they express all of the joy that they have been holding inside. Sometimes it may not work and people harbor bad feelings usually based on of lack of attention. Either way whats' most important is if you've found someone that makes you happy in distance or in closeness thats' something that must be nutured, no matter how many miles seperate you.

Deniece Williams...some old school flavor

Does Money Make the World Go Round?

Some people have different ideas of happiness. To some its' material wealth and to others it may be spiritual wealth. Though I think money is a factor in our happiness I don't believe its' our end all. Having money doesn't mean that every other problem that you have is erased. For instance, a wealthy person who is stressed out may take a trip to Dubai to forget about their problems, but its only temporary. They still have to come back to deal with the source. Whereas an individual who does not have the money to take such a trip may have to muddle through their issue with no source of relief.
I do believe that spiritual wealth is of greater importance. To believe in a power outside of yourself which you feel is constantly guiding you and protecting you gives solace to those who don't have another outlet. I've had moments when I knew I wouldn't have made it if not for that external source.

About 3 years ago I was on the I-95 on my way to Massachusetts with my boyfriend at the time. He insisted on racing everyone on the highway. At one point another driver joined the race. We were in the left lane when the car racing us decided to cut us off and in the process clipped the back of a truck ahead if him. That truck than started to flip toward our vehicle. It landed on the front of our hood and than somersaulted over us and landed behind us. Throughout this whole ordeal, and I am not making this up, I was calm. I knew in my heart nothing was going to happen to me even as I watched that vehicle flip toward us. I knew that I was protected and I felt it at that moment.

People usually don't experience this belief; that there is a force protecting you, until you get into one of those situations where you know it could have gone another way and it didn't. Money may give us the comfort of a roof over our heads and clothes on our backs, but it never gives us protection from the moments we know could have turned out differently.

So do I think money makes the world go 'round? Honestly its' a good thing to have, it makes me less stressed out when I have it but can I compare that to my spiritual wealth, not at all. Money doesn't get me through my tough moments, it doesn't help me to understand why certain things happen and it surely doesn't give me the comfort of protection.

Manners at the Doctor's Office

Today I decided to go to my Doctor after a week of dizzy spells. It took a lot to get me there since I am a chicken when it comes to seeing Doctor's. The demographics are everyone above 60 except for me. Seems my PCP serves the "aged." I walked in and everyone looked at me like I was crazy and I in return, shrunk into a seat in the corner and began reading my book. As I sat in the office for four hours, people came in and out and did something I didn't do and the younger generation rarely do. They greeted everyone as they came in with a good morning and have a good day as they walked out the door. The men gave up seats to women when they walked in if there was no space and someone even offered water as we waited.

Seems the older generation has a feel for manners. In this day and time its hard for a pregnant woman to even get a seat on the bus and at work I find people walk in to start a new shift and address no one on staff. I think I was raised with manners although I didn't utilize them on this particular morning. Its rare to find people who say thank you when you hold the door, or apologize if they bump into you just a little too hard for your liking. I think those are just common courtesies. I don't have any children but my nieces are my guinea pigs. I tell them all the time, you say please and thank you. No one is obliged to do anything for you, so you must show them gratitude when they do.
I may not have learned anything new at the Doctors office today but I did see manners in action.

Baby Mama Drama

I was at work yesterday having a conversation with my co-workers about dating someone who has a child. Consensus was that those kind of relationships are difficult.I believe everyone has criteria their significant other have to meet before they begin dating them. One of those criteria for me is not having children. I will not date someone who has children for several reasons. There are very few relationships that end, where children are involved, in which adults remain civil to one another. Usually, some animosity remains about things not working out, especially on the woman's' side, which results in you getting the cold shoulder for being the new woman. Not that its' important for me to be best friends with your ex but if her child is going to become part of my life, I think its' only right that we can have a decent conversation.
Secondly, in the small majority of cases where the father is active in his children's' life, there are ex's who take advantage of this. They monopolize his time by using the children as the bait. Everyone day there is some excuse to have him with the children and with her. I'm not saying that a man shouldn't be part of his children's' life but when its' evident that she is using this time as quality time for herself as well, you're left with the short end of the stick.
Thirdly, I am a staunch believer in discipline. The Bible says "spare the rod,spoil the child" and I certainly feel the same...lol. I believe that there is certain lines that you cannot cross when a child is not yours and especially when you and "baby mama" don't get along. You might as well go to jail, go directly to jail and do not collect 200 dollars. One of my co-workers said well you sit down and have a conversation with your significant other about discipline and that way everyone is on the same page. My problem is not with the significant more so than it is with his ex. When that child comes home and says to his mother, "Sheila tapped my bum for running across the street," mommy is not going to like to hear it.
So, though there may be some fantastic men roaming this earth who I reject because they have children...its' okay...lol.

A Blast from the Past

I believe I was 22 at the time, I was at a club with my friends dancing and having a good evening. This guy comes up to me and says "We're going to dance before the night is through" and walked away. I thought to my self the nerve of this guy and waited patiently for him to come back...lol. When he did, we danced the whole night. We exchanged numbers and the next morning he called me. We spoke on the phone for hours and he invited himself to go ice skating with me and my friends. We had a wonderful time and made plans for a second date. Our second date was a dinner date. This is where the story turns. We went to Tavern on the Dean, nice quaint restaurant in downtown Brooklyn. We ordered appetizers, entrees and had some drinks. As the time rolled around for the bill he started making some glances at the back door. This restaurant had two exits. He said to me....get this!.."We should walk out the back door." I laughed, until I saw the expression on his face. He was serious. The bill was placed on the table, the meal came up to around 95 dollars, if I remember correctly. HE OPENED HIS WALLET AND IT WAS BARE, like a desert bare. I pulled out my debit card and paid the bill. Moral of the story...Thank God for a mother who taught me to always have money when you're going out on a date.

Biden/Palin Debate

A Debate as stated by Wikipedia is "a formal method of interactive and position representational argument. It has factual accuracy as well as some emotional appeal to audience which are important elements of the art of persuasion, in debating, one side often prevails over the other side by presenting superior "context" and/or framework of the issue."
I watched the Vice Presidential debate last night and I heard factual, logical arguments, but they were only coming from one side of the fence. Umm excuse me, Mrs. Palin, we come to debates to answer the questions that are asked not to tell the world what you want to tell them. There are important issues that need to be addressed that Mrs. Palin glossed over. Yes, Obama voted 94 times for bills to increase taxes...on those people who make over 250,000 dollars, lets' not be hoodwinked. Drilling in Alaska....10 years to gain any reward from it, by the way Obama drives a hybrid, since Palin wants to talk about walking the walk. What policies did we hear about education as far as the Mc/Cain/Palin ticket? Is the 600 rebate that we got, the same tax relief the McCain/Palin ticket is talking about? Do you want to give up your insurance plan for a 5,000 credit? Do you know the cost of healthcare. That 5,000 dollars wouldn't cover your pregnancy or your wifes' pregnancy for that matter. This war in Iraq is taking lives unecessarily, its' putting us in debt and it is weakening our infrastructure here at home. I remember a Professor in one of my History classes telling us that the great empires failed because they expanded so far beyond their borders that there central government became weak. This allowed other empires to attack and win while they insisted on conquering and spreading their "ideals". Sounds familiar.
The point is this, Sarah Palin is not the person I want to take over this country, if God forbid, McCain passed away.

R. Kelly's Fall from Fame

Is anybody else as intrigued by R.Kellys' fall from fame as I as am. Hello!!! Does anybody remember 12 play? I was too young to do any of the things mentioned on that album but boy did it give me some ideas! Its' unfortunate when people are blessed and they take it for granted. I mean really, if you don't know the definition of teenager I think you're pretty warped. I loved me some R. Kelly back in the days, now I wouldn't think of letting him within my proximity, especially if my teenage niece were around! I'm sure he'll bounce back though, people usually get amnesia when it comes to celebrity slip ups.

The Fork in the Road

Last night, I was speaking to a friend who has had a rough couple of years and has made some bad choices. I think I need to stress this point right now "people who make bad choices aren't bad people." For instance, a man who grew up in a home where his mother was abused daily, may become an abuser. He is making bad choices because of the circumstances he witnessed as a child and than become conditioned to believe were appropriate responses. When he becomes aware of that fact and continues to abuse his wife and not seek help than he's a very bad person...lol
Anyway back to my friend,he decided to leave all his friends and family behind and start his life anew. He moved out of state and is now getting his life back on track. There was a time I never thought he could make these changes. I didn't believe in him. Actually, it didn't matter whether I believed in him or not, what mattered was if he believed in himself.
We all make bad choices in life. We get to a fork in the road and decide to take the wrong path. What we fail to realize is when we make mistakes we can follow that trail right back to its starting point and pick a whole new path. That's the beauty of life. Now I'm not saying there are not choices that we have to pay consequences for because there are. What I am saying is that we can get right with ourselves, acknowledge our mistakes, learn from them and keep moving forward.
The determination and will to want better for ourselves is what drives most of us on a daily basis. It is intrinsic to us. Some people have to work on that will power, some people don't know they have it and others choose to remain hopeless. I believe our life is full of choices. We can either choose to be happy or we can choose to live in misery. Most importantly, its' never too late to make the choice to change our life as it is.

Biggie Smalls "Warning" EXPLICIT

I am not claiming to be an expert on rap music.I will say that this is one of the songs that I know from beginning to end until this day. Biggie Smalls was truly a legend. He knew what to say and how to say it to get his lyrical points across.

Celebrity of the Week

Oprah Winfrey is my idol. Yes I said it! She is a wonderful example of receiving with the right and giving with the left. She could be so selfish but instead she is so giving. I would hope that I would be blessed with 1% of her riches but above all I wish to be blessed with her spirit of giving. Her trials and tribulations as a young girl have made her an exceptional woman. She has certainly cracked the glass ceiling.

Miss Independent

I remember a time when a womans' place was in the kitchen, this has surely become a thing of the past. More and more woman are now careeer women. Working, going to school and taking care of "house and home." You would think that men would appreciate this change in roles, especially since the burden of taking care of the family is now shared but I have many male friends who don't find this as inviting as I expected.
The view that is held is that a man is suppose to be a man and in order to feel that way he must feel needed. I agree with part of this argument. Everyone wants to feel needed but I think what you're needed for is the bigger question. If a woman needs you for your money or financial support, well than there's always someone who makes more money than you. On the contrary, if she needs you for the emotional support that you provide her, now that's a whole different story. An emotional attachment to an individual is greater than any other.
For instance, when a woman cheats on a man, in a large majority of cases its' because there is something lacking. She finds a connection to someone else who provides her with attention or a semblence of a loving relationship. Women are more emotionally driven.
So I asked my friend the other day if he would marry a woman who makes more money than him and his reply was "Hell no." I laughed at first but after thinking about it, I said to myself "hes' a damn fool." One of the most critical factors in a marriage is financial stability. When two people are providing to suppport the home, you have just eliminated one factor for divorce. People don't realize how much money can tear people apart. I say if a woman is willing to help foot the bill, the less money you have to spend on her and the more priceless pleasantries you can afford her, like your love and affection.